Take a deep breath

Take a deep breath and breathe, everything is changing. One thing will always stay the same NOTHING CAN BREAK US not Sage's passing and not this. Thank you to our amazing husbands for stepping up and being Men. That's why our heavenly Father created son in laws. For times like these. I have a deep love for Spencer and John G. My John thank you for being my rock and letting me cry and for letting me be in a crappy mood. For holding me like a child and rubbing my head. I Love you.

Clarification

My last post seemed to confuse some of you, after reading it I can see why Oops that's what I get for blogging while I'm tired and upset. So let me explain; I was talking to Crystal about whats been going on in our family this past week and with all the wisdom of a 90 year old grandma she talked to me about "The Stupid Cow" talk that was given in conference during the second session on Sunday. She told me that the cow had a pen with his food in it but he choose to poke his head out of it and eat the wheat. That he kept on eating and eating until his belly swelled up and he died. The cow broke the rules that were made for him he choose to nibble a little until his nibbling killed him. This talk has help our family this past week so now as a joke or just out of sadness and frustration we will say "YOU STUPID COW"

I have the BEST big sister in this entire world she has been threw the worst possible thing a mother can ever go threw and yet she is the one holding our family together I love her and respect her more then words can explain.

So here is to you "YOU STUPID COW"

Thanks Big Sister

All I have to say right now is .............. "YOU STUPID COW"

private

We are going private send me your e-mail if you want an invite

I Like to Move it Move it

When I started having babies 8 1/2 years ago I was told that babies grow and develop at their own pace. Most little ones roll over at 2-3 months, can sit up at around 6 months, crawl at 8 months and walking at 12 months. I look forward too each new stage that my baby makes. I remember being sad when my Payten began crawling at five months and walking at seven months. She was my baby being that Kaitlen is 5 1/2 years older then Pay. I was looking forward to having a tiny baby to take care of. But to my amazement she was in a huge hurry to grow up I was bummed that she didn't stay "babyish" for awhile. Then we got pregnant with Caden I was so excited to be getting a baby boy, a son to love. Again I was hoping that this time my baby would not be in such a hurry to grow up. I was hoping that because he was a he that he would be slower at sitting up, crawling and walking. I have heard that boys are sometimes slower at developing. Let me tell you I was not shocked when my five month old sat up and began crawling all on the same day. Caden is now six months old and he crawls everywhere; he scares me when he goes from a sitting position to his knees I just hold my breath and hope he doesn't smack his face on the carpet 8 out of 10 times he is a pro the other two times he needs a few loves. I'm greatful that my little man still loves to nurse and he always has kisses for me. Half the time he is crawling to find me if I'm in a diffeent room then he is. I'm just so thankful that he is here and I get to be the one to take care of him even though he is in such a hurry to grow up.


Caden's Great Grandpa and Great Grandma Marry gave him his white teddy bear
He LOVES to play with his cousins. The older kids are so nice to let him sit and play they all look after him.
My little man!

One Year and Six Months

On September 19 my dear little nephew Sage will have been with the angels for 18 months. I have learned threw his passing that each one of us grieves differently. For instance I have learned that I'm a keep it inside and don't talk about it but think about him everyday kind of griever. Until I can't keep it in anymore and have to talk to John. Sage's death has forever changed our family and the way we view each other. We cry at birthdays and thank Heavenly Father for allowing our child to have a birthday. When a child has their FIRST birthday I have such a feeling of relief I feel like its their biggest accomplishment they turned 1. Before I put my Caden to bed I always kiss his check and tell him that no one loves him as much as I do and to please wake up. When I hear his little cry threw the monitor I say a thank you prayer for allowing him to wake up. When Payten is driving me nuts I have to sit back and just remember at least she is here with me driving me nuts. Kaitlen has a broken leg and for the last six weeks John and I have had to do almost everything for her. But at least she is still here and a leg can heal. Haven lives a few thousand miles away but at least she is living. Sage has taught me to always love my babies that no matter what they did or will do that at least they are here to do it.

2010 has brought our family three new babies Caden in March, Ellie in August and Amanda's baby in October. My sisters and I can't help but worry until we are sick that something will go wrong. Sages death has taken our blinders off we no longer live in happy fairy tale land instead we know that anything can happen and the worst part about knowing this is even though Sage passed away we know that it doesn't give our family a free pass for all our other children. Instead we know that the time we have with our children is the most important time we will ever have. We always say you would think that with Sages passing nothing else bad will ever happen to any of us again that we should all win the lottery or invent the cure for cancer. Instead we know that lighting can strike the same place twice. So I encourage you all to love your children every minute of everyday. Play with them, laugh with them and teach them the gospel

Crystal and I will talk and say that at least Sage has made it, he will always get to live with Heavenly Father he will never have to worry about making it back home. But part of me a (huge) part would rather have him here with us I think we could have been his teachers he would have made his mistakes but at least we could have been his teachers. I know that I can't see the bigger picture and I know our Heavenly Father needed him but knowing this doesn't take away the pain. In most cases I just feel guilty for wanting him here with us instead of living with Heavenly Father.

To my Sage you have been gone 18 months and I miss you as much as I did that awful day in March. Till we meet again

Your Aunt
Jessy

People of Walmart II

Oh my goodness these are just to funny not to share. Go to www.peopleofwalmart.com for hundreds of laughs.


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