Thursday, November 4, 2010

Wasn't Enough Time

My baby will be 8 months old next Thursday, he will be 8 months and 2 days next Saturday. My nephew passed away at 8 months and 2 days; 19 months ago my brother in law found Sage in his crib not breathing. The day Caden was born I have always feared for the day my son would be 8 months and 2 days old. In my mind I think what if I only have 9 more days to kiss on him, hold him, be with him. 8 months isn't long enough at all.

Tonight Crystal and Spencer gave Caden, Sage's Santa toy they were so happy to put it together for him and even more excited to see him play with it. It's not fair Caden should have been playing with an old toy that Sage grew out of, the toy has been around longer then he was. I'm scared for next Saturday to come I'm so scared that I don't think I will be able to lay him in his bed that night. I know how retarded this sounds but every mother knows how much they love their babies and the thought of not having him with me in 9 days makes me cry. It hasn't been long enough I'm just getting to know him.

Crystal and Spencer are truly the strongest two people I have ever met, they have blessed my life with their faith in Heavenly Father and their love for each other everyday. I know how selfish this sounds it's not about me or my son I'm just afraid bad things happen all the time. Okay so this post is truly my ramblings sorry....


Sharron said...

Not rambling at all Jess. Every mother does have these fears but deep down inside of us all, we really don't think it will happen to us.

Your family knows only too well that it can happen to "us". you're not the only ones who have waited as that age has passed with their babies. It is only natural.

Now, it is time to continue to make decisions according to our new knowledge and understanding to do all that we can to make sure that we will all have each other for the eternities.

My grandkids have given me strength to keep working at it and to keep doing all that I can to make sure that my children and grandchildren will enjoy the opportunities given us by being sealed in the temple. It was a long journey for Jon & I being raised as we were and then "patiently" waiting to find the right person to go there with.

It was so worth the wait, and as we have been promised, though it isn't easy, just worth it!

Love you kiddo!!

Liz said...

It was hard watching them open Sage's Christmas present but they truly were excited to let Caden play with it! They are wonderful and generous people. I'm with you that 8 month and 2 day mark is tuff! But then any morning we wake up with all of our children breathing is a blessed day. One day at a time Sweet Jesus that's all I'm asking from you.....
That's all we can do...walk in Faith ONE day at a time.